Be an answer to prayer

The ministry of Christian friendship

The summer before sixth grade, we moved to a different school district. Before the move, I would have simply continued at the elementary school. In the new district, sixth grade was middle school. I had to get a combination lock for my locker, carry around giant text books, and make all new friends.

The year started off well. I made a couple friends, but pretty soon they uncovered the truth about me: I wasn’t cool. (I mean, I thought it was the truth) They began to ignore me in all our classes. I’d approach them and they’d turn their bodies away from me. I was baffled. Why wouldn’t they explain to me what was going on?

In computers class I checked my school email and had received an email from one of them. It was beautiful. She’d used the word art feature to tell me, “YOU ARE NOT POPULAR ENOUGH FOR US,” “IT’S OVER,” and “DO NOT TALK TO US ANY MORE.”

I felt a lot of emotions get caught in my throat: shame, sadness, confusion. Laura, a girl who sat next to me in computers class, was not a close friend but good enough for me to show it to her. She nearly laughed at its absurdity.

“What is this a break-up letter? Sheesh,” she said. That moment has stuck in my brain since then. I had no idea before she said those words that I could laugh at something that tried to hurt me. Laura would go on to be a close friend through middle school and high school.

I prayed to God a lot that year for a close friend who shared my faith. Laura was a great friend but she didn’t share my values, and she had her own friend group in which I still felt like an outsider. As I got over the awkwardness of the “betrayal” I’d experienced from my friends, I just wanted a friend who understood me. Who didn’t laugh when I said my favorite type of music was Christian music. Who didn’t tease me for not understanding dirty jokes.

Photo by Dương Hữu on Unsplash

I began to try to befriend a girl in my class named Samantha. She was in orchestra with me, and in a few of my other classes. She had a sister named Julia. I had a sister named Samantha. I thought that was funny, and I told her we should be friends. She was a Catholic, and her faith was important to her. She was nice. The school year ended and I didn’t really have any friends to hang out with during the break. Just people I was friendly enough with in school.

She called me that summer and invited me to her birthday party. I was shocked that she actually thought of inviting me! From there, our friendship grew. We became close friends who prayed for each other and encouraged each other in our faith. Of course we also had a lot of silly inside jokes. I being Protestant learned a lot from her, and she from me. We were friends with Laura and a few other people who didn’t know God, and sometimes had occasion to witness to them.

Growing up with a friend like Samantha was a huge part of my formation as a Christian. Having a friendship where both of us were interested in growing closer to God and including each other on that journey provided me with so much support during those tumultuous years of adolescence. Her friendship was an answer to the prayer of a lonely eleven year old girl, but was also one God used for so much more than I asked for.

I think about our friendship and I wonder how different my faith would look if I didn’t have her in my life. Maybe it wouldn’t be drastically different. But simply the fact that she’s been my friend for so long is a reminder of God’s provision for me. God cares about His children so deeply. Christian friendships are a ministry. Every single one of your Christian friends is someone God is calling you to minister to. And sometimes I miss sight of that. Life is hard. It is full of seasons of loneliness or weariness, illness or spiritual angst. And the church often emphasizes evangelism so much that we think our only job as Christians is casting a net outward and pulling in new people.

But lately, as the pressures of life have sometimes clouded my ability to see the goodness of God, the importance of Christian friendship has been impressed upon me. Christians need exhortation, prayer, and even the simplicity of the gospel just as much as those who don’t know Christ. The Christian life is full of perils, of dangers that threaten our faith with crippling doubt.

My friend Samantha and I been friends for almost twenty years. Both of us are married with children. Our kids play with each other. Our husbands hunt together. We pray for each other. It’s pretty fun. But it’s also essential. Christian friendship is Christian fellowship. We are not called to do this life alone. As important as it is to share the gospel with those who haven’t heard it, so too is loving our Christian neighbor. You never know how much someone is praying for a friend like you.