Locking myself out
and letting it teach me
This past week I have been locked out of my house twice. Which is a lot for one lifetime, let alone one week. I’ve been dedicating a lot of phrasing space to finishing a project that I’m very excited about, and it distracts me, I guess.
The first time, it was my fault. I locked the handle of the back door from the inside as I left, but didn’t take the keys off the counter. When I shut it, realization dawned on me, but it was too late. My kids were all bundled up and ready to go to the mall to see the Christmas decorations, and my husband was about 45 minutes away from home. We sat on the porch and played and snuggled since neither of my trusted neighbors were home, and got chilly. Then daddy saved the day. It was inconvenient, cold, and irritating, and I might have cried about it, but life goes on.
The second time, my toddler locked me out as I stepped onto the porch to collect some mail. He moved the chain lock into place, so I was only able to open the door an inch. I was outside in below freezing weather with no coat. My daughter was napping upstairs, and my toddler was very concerned that I couldn’t open the door. He tried and failed to undo the chain. I told him to find my phone and give it to me. He did. I called my neighbor, who brought some tools to try to help me break in. While he tried things, I was able to coach my son to use a toy to pull my purse down from where it was stowed on my staircase (to keep him away from it) and he successfully pulled it up to the child safety gate and stole my keys from it. He shook them around, and for a moment I worried he wouldn’t bring them to me, but he is a very good boy. He passed them through the gap in the door and all was well. My neighbor had no success with undoing the chain, but his presence allowed me to think of other ways to problem solve without worrying that I might be alone in my porch forever.
I am not sure what the moral of those stories is. I need a spare key hidden somewhere? Toddlers can’t be trusted? I can’t be trusted? But thank God they were very small crises and no harm came to me or my children.
If I’m being honest, being locked out of my house (both times) snapped me out of my mental fog, and my sullenness over my daily routine. Every day I feel like I’m just floating around, checking on what needs to be done, wondering when I’ll have time to write, scrolling too much on my phone… but those little crises reminded me that life is not lived in my head, and sometimes I do need to get out of it.
As I reflect on my year, the biggest thing I want to change is how much time I spent in front of a screen. Nursing my new baby meant hours trapped on the couch, and I relied too heavily on my phone to distract myself. I think I’ll be making more drastic changes to my phone habits as I wrap up the year.
Despite that, I did accomplish a lot with my writing this year! Here’s a little roundup of things I am proud of:
I submitted my work to twenty-four places
I was rejected seventeen times!
I received seven acceptances! A few are already out, so can read some of the poems here, here, here, and here!
One of those acceptances was for a contest— my poem was selected as a runner up for Vita Poetica’s upcoming print journal. What an honor.
I wrote over two dozen new poems!
I am on track to finish a project by the end of the year— one that is going to be over thirty poems long!
I read twenty poetry collections, many of them new-to-me poets!
I learned a lot about myself as a writer, a mother, wife, and plain-old person this year. As I sit in my cozy Christmasy house awaiting the celebrations of our savior, I can’t help but feel overjoyed and grateful for this beautiful life. This coming year I want to live more intentionally out in the real world, even if it means more things like getting locked out.
I am going to take the next two weeks off from posting my newsletter. I am locking myself out, LOL. I need time to reset, and to enjoy time with family, and this will alleviate some of the tension I have been feeling. When I come back in the new year, I hope to be refreshed and full of the joy that the holidays bring.
What about you? What is a big takeaway you’ve had from this year?
Maybe the moral is what goes around comes around? Or like mother, like daughter? 😂
I’m glad these two experiences helped you get out of your head, and I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished this year. And of your smart little boy.
Oh Julia, this would happen to me way too often at our old apartment. I would lock it like you did and leave the keys on the counter. I think around four times I did this... my husband was not happy lol. And I, too, need better screen habits. If you decide on something, I'd love to hear. We can keep each other accountable!!
This year I've learned to face rejection. And it's been liberating. I have poetry and journals to thank for that.